For about 4-5 years, I was on a roll. I was so happy that every now and then I either understood more or deeper of our Teaching. During these years, I often shared quotations I treasured earnestly. I was on top of a mountain of jewels.
Then I began to differentiate, categorize, compare and sort through my precious findings. In this pursuit of absolute truth, I continued to fine-tune my thoughts, upgraded my logic process. Though I sometimes even did a complete reboot, I was having fun. I was excited. Truth is getting closer.
Then one day I said to myself, "I know now. Now I know completely and absolutely. Now I know the absolute truth. I know everything what my teacher was trying to teach." Wow, I was in heaven.
You know what? Since the first "I know", I can't count how many times that the "I know" was replaced by the new "I now really know."
Then I realized that all knowing is for the conscious mind which is in a complete separate domain from my spiritual domain. I shared my realization at our Monterey Retreat, "Words is in a parallel world on top of the world of life force. These two domains never intersect and one can not experience one through the other."
There is nothing needed to know. And there is nothing to know.
All discussions are to satisfy our conscious mind. Of course to many, especially me, it is an avoidable journey.
Then I realized that I actually learn more by applying what I have learned through other sentient beings. I see myself in each of them. There is so much beyond the sutras and the books. Every moment is a lesson for me. Just be still, don't try to know, open my heart, sync through my chi, dharma will unfold itself and wisdom always come.
I wish each of you a fruitful 2009.
Perhaps I may need to add, there is no fruit. :-)